Here's an executive summary and background to provide context:
Jerry was sent to prison for growing 300 marijuana plants in his small, 1,500 square foot home in Oregon. The State of Oregon did not want to punish him to the full extent of the law, but the Federal prosecutor did. Jerry served about three years in prison. Jerry has been smoking and selling that product for over 40 years. He was/is a drug addict. I guess he never listen to the mantra: don't get high on your supply? It sounds better if you have a Bronx accent and dress in solid color 70's big lapel shirts. Anyways, he married a really crazy woman who beget a son, George. Before and after their divorce, this crazy lady would try to win full parental control of George despite the fact that her other three or so kids from her other three or so marriages were spread out all over the country and she was off her lithium! George is showing signs of manic depression. He hears voices. George, recently lived in Emanuel's apartment building in California for a few months to attend Santa Monica College and get a job. Emmanuel paid for rent and basically subsidized his stay for two months before George went home to Oregon in December 2008.
Emanuel is the older brother of Jerry. He pays the $900 rent for his youngest son who lives in the apt above him and for his expensive culinary course at a cooking institute in Santa Monica, CA. When I "baby sat" this kid five years ago, he showed no signs or interest in cooking. I took him grocery shopping and all he bought was frozen food. Who knows anything about anyone. Emanuel's son is typical of spoiled kids: Drug use, fighting, questionable friends of character, brushes with the law, risk taking behavior which has had negative consequences for him and his family. He has a mother (Sarah) and father (Emanuel) who are very permissive and from my judgement, have incomplete parenting skills simply because their son acts out. Unfortunately, Emanuel hasn't talked to one of his other sons for like 20 years and a daughter for about five years. He is a grand father too. Emanuel is in his seventies and his wife is 53. This age difference is very common in L.A. The older man, who marries a younger, hot woman. He is that man.
About three years ago, his ex-wife of about 30 years ago sued him for $10,000. She claimed that she is owed this since they divorced. Imagine that? After 30 years of divorce your ex-wife, who is rich, sues you? It's not about the money. What does that say about her and Emanuel?
Now, here is the torque or thrust of the warring brothers which was initiated by Jerry. On November 16th, one month before George went home, Jerry wrote an email to his son, George, about Emmanuel. George was still being subsidized by Emanuel. Later on December 24, 2008, that email was sent to Emmanuel way after George went back home in Oregon.
Start of Email from Jerry to Emanuel:
From: Jerry
Date: Sun, Nov 16, 2008 at 11:01 AM
(Look at this) Subject: i will send him (meaning Emmanuel) this when u r here (George)
To: His Son George before Jerry sent the email on 12/24/08
35 yrs of therapy. i thought therapy was for changing targeted behaviors that were detrimental to healthy living. guess you could have saved a lot of money over the years as your behavior hasn't change at all. its always been that you know how everyone else is supposed to live their lives. so my son is an abject failure just like his father. and his future is over before it begins. he is gonna end up just like me. well aren't you the insightful one. i would love to be able to gaze at your xl ball. what is success to you. money material objects. what. relationships. like you and your children. how long since you spoke to your oldest. 30 yrs.and your daughter in n.y. so my son is doomed and you decided that all on your own. instead of helping all you seem to do is pass on your superficial judgments. are you that insecure that you have to break down an impressionable kid to build yourself up. you rule by intimidation. you always have.
i remember being in your office in n y c when i was around 19. just like yesterday. i was sitting in your office and you went on one of your screamers on Stanley. made him feel small. hats what you have always like to do. makes you feel big. doesn't it. at the expense of others. that's how you get over. 35 yrs. all wasted. so now instead of constructive help, its throw my son out. good. your loss is my gain. so he's lying about coming here and living w/me. no fool like an old fool. i get my son back. so your not even going to sport him a ticket back. well money is tight, but i will find a way. i warned him about who you are. when he got down there. he was all excited about having family. now it has turned into a big disappointment, and i was right again. like in the beginning of all relationships, all smiles and nice. i knew that given enough time, your truth would emerge and it has. still arrogant, self centered, ego-maniacal, self-righteous and the intimidator. so i guess your life is a success as you are who you want to be. no need for me to throw in my remembrances here as i have nothing to prove to you. oh yeah i forgot judgmental. can't leave that one out. it has always played big.
you used to push me around. if we were in the same room now, you would be the one to run away to your bedroom. i would lay you out for the charlatan that you are. George tried to get me to come down there. all is good he said. no way i would ever go there. you would wind up calling the cops to get me out cause you wouldn't like what i would be saying and i would have a lot to say. anyway, you just aren't worth the energy. i figured out yrs. ago that i never really like you. and this will be the last communication that i will have w/you. no interest on my part. i could say a lot more, put downs and all. not my style. yours not mine. i've stated my opinion, that's all. i don't need validation throwing in what others think from their observations. and your spirituality has been just a self serving ego boost.
if you were truly a spiritual man, you would have treated my son differently and lived up to your part of the agreement you set up when YOU INVITED HIM DOWN there and said you would take care of him. if he didn't live up to his end, then he should have been told that and given a chance to make the necessary changes. so thanx for sending me my son. and it is a beautiful day. so go tell your stories to anyone that will listen, knowing that you are protected from the truth, as they will never have the opportunity get the whole story.
Start of email from Emmanuel to Jerry:
From: Emmanuel
Date: January 1, 2009 9:31:15 PM PST
To: Jerry
Subject: Re: i will send him this when u r here
You self serving, self absorbed, sanctimonious hypocrite. YOU are responsible for George's [Younger brother’s son] condition. YOU married his mother. YOU chose to have a child with her. YOU established the model for how a father behaves. YOU self proclaimed "first and foremost father" or perhaps you conveniently forget writing these words from behind bars. What kind of father exposes himself to a life of crime and illegal drug use. YOUR kind. YOU even recruited him to work your farm and thereby risked his being sent into the system and worse. YOU abandoned him and took no responsibility just as you've always done with everyone & everything. Look at the wreckage you call a life. Here you are at 59, broke, living in a stranger's room, a career criminal, no employment and please show me the relationships in your life.
It never dawned on you that you influenced him to be just like you and add, liar, thief, irresponsible, unwilling to learn, delusional, self-grandising & drug abuser. The list goes on and all of it sick. You abandoned him many times, you taught him to count on no-one, you farmed him out to a good Samaritan STRANGER and left Dave or anyone else to come pick up your wreckage. YOU even supported joining the military knowing he'd have to learn to be a murderer of innocent people and expose himself to mortal danger. All YOU have ever really done is damage him and twist it to make it appear otherwise. Make no mistake, its obvious.
I don't remember you saying NO to my overture to bring him down, or offering any material support, or any help dealing with what might come up, or even giving me any information or advice for that matter. In 9 months not one call. Hmmmmmm. If you felt I'm such a demon why go along with his coming into my home. What kind of a father sends his kid into a situation he feels is dangerous to his son's well being.
I remember the letter you sent from prison telling me he's a liar - want a copy? Even then you were setting him up to be a failure by planting your seeds of mistrust. Hmmm.
YOU weren't too proud to ask me for $10,000 for bail or monetary help to get out of your drug jams in Texas and Malverne. Or don't you know whose cash it was. YOU weren't such a big shot when you moved into my Newburgh house rent free & had the free use of my truck or the job you were handed. Not so disdainful then that you didn't gobble that up. Hypocrisy. Talk about no words of acknowledgment or appreciation.
Spare me your prison tough guy threats. We both know YOU for the coward YOU are.
Regardless of how my children view me, I made sure all 4 got their start in life and all are solid people in this world and I paid for it, supported them and helped them to become independent. What can YOU say.
Did YOU ever consider that YOU are George's problem, that you found a way to keep him dependent so that your meager ego could at least have one someone who would be around. After all who else is there.
I did not create his issues any more than I did yours. YOU sabotaged this from the onset. YOU knew his problems and said nothing just so that YOU could pass everything off onto us just as you always have.
Had you joined in the attempt to help, the outcome could have been different. YOU doomed YOUR son again.
I did not sign on to become his father, I offered him an opportunity. A chance to get an education which I was offering to pay for along with his clothes, his food, his health insurance, uncovered medical bills, his tuition & books, his rent, his transportation, his cell phone, and any advice or mentoring he asked for. What do you know about how I tried, the therapists I asked for advise, all the books I reviewed, the hours and hours I spent with George to help him fulfill his commitment to study, get grades, not use drugs and to find work. The approaches I tried in desperation. Nothing worked. I did not know in advance of his difficulties and you Mr. Jailbird were in the system and only obviously concerned with yourself, as always.
Where was any acknowledgment to Jason whose idea it was to invite George to begin with or Sarah whose efforts and money were contributed. Oh gee there's that money word which Mr. disdain considers beneath his attention but whose hand is always out palm up. Ellin was a part. Oooops there's family about who Mr. generous is so contemptuous.
Yes it all went south, yes I failed to help him achieve what I hoped. He failed every class, assuming he even attended class. Never really got a job. Used drugs. Lied. Stole. Deceived with half truths and withheld information. Made little effort and took no responsibility for all the results. DOES THIS SOUND LIKE ANYONE WE KNOW HMMMM MR. TOUGH GUY??? Where were you through all this big guy?
Why did you accept all he said knowing his problems and never communicated with us?? Could it be YOU have gotten exactly what you want. Did YOU ever think of him and how to help him, I think not. Its always all about YOU and he learned all that from you and that's his tragedy and maybe all of ours.
Do you think your message about never trusting anyone especially family and only doing it on your own never was integrated into his behavior? Are you a complete idiot to ignore that your bad advice had no impact on his inability to ask for help especially from people you preach are the least trustworthy? YOU sabotaged this from the onset. And YOU never take any responsibility.
HAD YOU STAYED WITHIN THE LAW & NOT GONE TO PRISON GEORGE WOULD NEVER HAVE HAD TO COME HERE. IT WAS YOUR CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR THAT CREATED IT ALL.
Who cares about YOU? How many people came forward in your hour of need. How many character references did you get. How many family members offered. Where were all the lovers, long time friends, past employers, and strangers you've always regarded more highly than any blood. It speaks volumes that the one person you came to through an intermediary was the one person you trust the least, dislike and fantasize injuring. Your life is a desert.
So YOU argue that I brought George here so that I could find a way to dominate and destroy him. That's why I endured dealing with the problems, spent the money, did the counseling, did the chauffeuring, on & on. Now that's some spin. Did YOU play any part Mr First & foremost, do YOU have ANY responsibility.
That you behaved in a sneaky deceitful way and YOU enlisted George in your plot to continue feeding off us knowingly so as not to jeopardize his meal ticket too soon speaks volumes about your character. Just look at the date of your email. How's that for integrity but maybe it was just money ooops there's that stuff you think so little about. I wonder what the lesson learned was for YOUR son. But then this behavior is traditional with you, you are after all an unconscionable user with an everything is coming to you attitude. Had you not intervened with this sneaky way of getting him to return to Oregon and demanded that he stay and keep up with his commitment and discussed matters with me, you might have discovered that I was still trying to get through to him and instead of adding destruction, you could have been a constructive factor. On Nov 16th, I still had 2 months to get somewhere with him. But that's not what YOU wanted - YOU wanted to prove what an asshole I am and how right you are, and keep him in your orbit, you self-deceiving fool.
You made it impossible for him to grow without making you look bad or wrong. Rejoice, feel good, you got him to be just like you.
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