Report Cards

Working at a language institute, many teachers are required to write quarterly report cards on the progress of each student. They are very detailed and include the students' strengths and weaknesses in obtaining that often elusive and shaky requisite English language skill Korean parents think their children need to compete in the global economy. I've been busy at work and started early on my report cards. Here's a sample:

Student name: Ronnie James Dio (English name)

Ronnie James Dio is a very warm and affectionate kid however as sweet and nice Dio is, he is lazy and dumb as they come! Not a good combination for a future professional you wish him to be! Ronnie does love to sing though and has a lovely voice most suitable for rock. I suggest you save your 800 dollars a month that you spend at the language institute and start a a 457CA college fund for Dio because he will need a lot of schooling. If he can't muster a passing grade of a "C" at a language institute, I can't imagine what he is getting in regular school. If you're serious about his and your future, you should immediately get a home tutor and get crackin! Remember: your social security is your first born named Dio!

Student name: Emily Lickyourson (English name)

Emily has potential but not in speaking English. Her daily aggressive and violent acts towards other amicable students, Roy, Larry and Sally suggest that Emily has not developed any social skills whatsoever. She does pack a powerful left punch as Roy has felt on many occasions! I suggest you save your 800 dollars a month and start to go to family therapy. Your child is acting out because you, as her parent/s, have modeled and instilled in her, some horrible social skills which resolve themselves in her daily visit to the Director's office for behavioral modification pep talk. Or if you are so inclined, please invest in a child's gym which offers martial arts. Maybe if she gets the shit kicked of her she'll kick your parenting stupid asses!

Yes, blog reader. Reports cards are a solemn affair. They require diplomatic verbiage and not very many parents really want the truth. :) If Korean parents are serious about language skills, perhaps learning Chinese would be a better option? They are the new super power!