Tuesday, April 29, 2008

When parents hit their children...

The other day my best friend, O, emailed me an article about Koreans attending Ivy league schools and the enormous financial, emotional and physical tribulations students and families go through to get into the Ivies like Harvard and Yale, etc. I've pasted the article link at the end of this post.

Last night, during my favorite class, my favorite student, Amy, who is like a daughter to me, if I had a daughter, had bruises on her left upper arm. The weather has been warm recently and everyone is wearing short sleeves. She was rubbing her left arm a little and I could tell that something was bothering her. I noticed the four medium size, dark bruises. I asked Amy.

She told me her friend hit her on the arm and then later her mother hit her too. I asked why did her friend do that? The friend was angry but I think it was just an excuse to cover the real damage her mom did.

"My mom was angry at me..." she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Over English," she said. I thought: she's an excellent student. Her grammar is really great. She can talk to me in English...It took me a few minutes to process this and then I got really upset. I thought of making my homework easier or was it too difficult and it made her mom frustrated? Or was Amy not making strides that her mom thinks is adequate? I walked to the Director's office, trying to remain calm and focused and not to react, and asked him to talk to Amy to clarify how she got the bruises. Maybe I misunderstood.

He came in and asked Amy to come to his office. When she came back, she had tears in her eyes. The class was in the middle of their lesson so I sat down with Amy to give her instruction and time to settle down. She was upset and took a while to focus. She worked slowly on the activity sheet. I talked to her about the activity then asked her what the director said. She had tears in her eyes. I got her a tissue but she refused it. I told her how upset I was to see her arm like that and I wanted the director to talk to her about it too. I was trying not to cry.

I asked Amy if she felt safe at home and if the director or someone else were to call her mom, would Amy feel okay about it. She said it would not be a problem. I told Amy that where I come from, that kind of behavior is very serious and not tolerated. I told her that seeing her arm like that was upsetting to me and that I needed to tell my boss so he was aware.

The director told the owner about the bruises. The owner said it's the responsibility of Amy's public school teacher and administrators to notify the proper authorities of this abuse and if I see more bruises, then the owner can call and report the abuse. I feel helpless in this situation which mirrors my general helplessness: language and culture are barriers. How much pressure parents' feel when they are old and need the security to live a healthily life vis a vis their children's financial support? They are their social security; their life support and pressuring and pushing their kids to succeed will make them "successful" and also give the parents a safety net when they're old.

I am working through this... I was up for hours last night. My favorite student Amy, sweet and smart with two younger siblings working hard at English and me, indirectly, contributing to her success or failure as an English learner.

Here's the article:

April 27, 2008 Elite Korean Schools, Forging Ivy League Skills By Sam Dillon

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/27/world/asia/27seoul.html?ex=1366948800&en=b9c8a3db94765d6c&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Sunday, April 27, 2008

My gum rant and the free market economy

As some of you know I am a big big fan of chewing gum; all my life. When I came here I brought with me six packs of Orbit and a brand called "5." I'll chew a pack a week, usually. Orbit and "5" are my favorites and possible the best gum ever made. Finally, Wrigley's made advances in their gum products which leave their classic "Spearmint" gum (a terrible and horrible gum) in the crypt. Both Orbit and "5" have outstanding flavor which lasts a long time, they are sugarless and don't loose their gummy consistency after twenty or sixty minutes and perhaps most importantly, I don't have the urge to swallow the gum which, according to folklore, is not digested in our bodies...

Anyways, I've tried seven kinds of gum here by Lotte. There's Flavano. A mint flavored gum which after twenty minutes, you want to swallow and usually do. I've had that same experience with every gum made here. Another gum they make is a bubble gum. It's weak. Today I tried their ginseng gum which surprisingly was good and the flavor last a long time even after maneuvering in the cold and damp of Suwon. But who wants to chew on ginseng for sixty minutes?

Lotte's bubbles blow. No strength or sizable bubbles. Not fun. There are two or three major companies that make gum here and they all suck. The most popular brand and perhaps the most distributed are made by Lotte. Most if not all gum is made by this Korean Chaebol. All loose flavor quickly, few selection of sugarless and the consistency changes. Nobody knows, perhaps, that these gums suck. They have no comparison to excellent gum products. It could be cultural in the sense that they don't have the habit of chewing gum for more than twenty minutes...Which brings me to the topic of today's blog.

Would access to "superior" gum vis a vis the free market, improve Korea's gum? If Korea allowed Wrigley's Orbit and "5" entry into the gum market here, what would happen to Korean gum companies like Lotte? When the "borders" open to imports like gum, companies like Lotte that have been living large on their "successes" will have to trim the fat to become lean and mean again. This, of course, provided that people here would find Orbit "superior" to taste. Maybe Koreans are not used to chewing more than twenty minutes or more? Maybe Westerners chew too much gum which may cause more wear on our teeth?

Orbit and "5" are sugarless gums and have excellent flavors and varieties. I think that they would slam any Korean gum product either regular (w/ sugar) or not. People would abandon their favorite Korean Lotte gum for Orbit or "5." Lotte, the Korean company, maker of cookies and gum, could not compete. The free market would force Korean companies to re-evaluate and make a better gum product or leave the market. All I am saying I am in favor of more flavor.

If the market did open, I would buy a case of Orbit gum in case these American companies are shunned by the Korean public or taken down by some Nationalist bureaucrat. Koreans like Americans are full of pride about their companies but much more nationalistic and protectionist. A lot of products are available here, like Honda Accords, but they are heavily taxed via import duties. It's rare to see a Benz or a Beemer. If you own one of these cars in Korea, that means you have money, a lot of money. Most people who own a car purchase a Korean one. Korea protects its products by heavy import taxes. I don't have stats yet, my friends.

Of course the free market has mixed result with economies. But damn it I want my gum! F#@%IT: I can order it on the Internet.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Book Store Koan: What is the sound of one hand whacking?

It all started on the cab ride home Saturday afternoon after work. The director of the school, myself and another teacher, a Canadian woman, shared a ride back to "Gob-pan-jong dong" Basically, Suwon's "ghetto" before hundreds of new apartments were built two years ago...It was raining and all the taxis were full, so the director asked the Korean receptionist, a super nice lady who can calm any hysterical kid reeling from the paralysis of mommy leaving her in a language institute, in my school, to call us a cab.

"There's an adult book store in our neighborhood," the director said as the taxi turned left along the long stretch of fallow rice fields. "I found it the other day." The female Canadian teacher, feeling a little uncomfortable, said that it would have been better if the cab ride home was just all guys.

"I don't go to those places," the Director added defensively.

"I do," I said a little mocking also knowing that my personal lube is low and needing replacement-- I asked, "Where is it?"

The cab driver made a right turn towards one of the ubiquitous Family Marts that line my area. "It's the place that has green windows. They use some adhesive to prevent looking in," he replied. Except for me, people are having sex all the time.

They have these "love hotels" with funny, 14th century Old English names like "Castle Rock." Couples, lovers, "sanchos/sanchas," cheating spouses, escorts on business and the like use the facilities for quick one hour love sessions. If you drink with Koreans, they down beer quickly. So they must have sex quickly, too. Right? We drove by the adult book store. The green adhesive blocked the light from the store. It looked closed. It was a cloudy, chilly day, unseasonably chilling for Spring. I welcome the chilly weather here in my little "Gob-pan-jong." Back in Los Angeles, it's always warm and pleasant. It has an "unreal" feeling to it like the Hollywood movie set it really is. You've seen the movies where the street is "wet" from a fresh rain but everything else like the buildings look dry? That's Los Angeles. Fake wetness. Fake boobs. Botox lips. Botox butts. Plastic surgery of chins, abs and eyes. Dog diets, dog biscuit stores. And here I am going to buy some silicon lube and look at some whacking magazines (Airplane reference).

Around 9pm I was rested and decided to go out to check out the adult book store. I walked for ten minutes. My big Saturday night plans: I am going to buy some magazines and some lube and take myself out for a nice dinner! How romantic! The road that runs parallel to the rice fields is dark and the cold wind is hitting my face. I walk pass buildings in various stages of construction, big yellow, Tonka style trucks, mud piles, brick piles and finally the green windowed book store! Salvation, reader! I look south towards the large red neon lights of the Presbyterian church a half a mile away. Nothing says Christianity like large, red neon lighting of the Cross of Jesus and tele-prompter flashing verses on a church building.

The Book Store is a large room. There are wood-grained shelves that line all four walls. Dildos, vibrators and edible panties hang from metal mesh or sit on the shelves, nicely arranged for viewing. These are all imported American products. The boxes are in English. You would think that the Korean Chaebols (big industries like Samsung) would have sex subsidiaries that make adult toys but they don't. Maybe "Sam's Hung" would be shot down as a bad idea?

Anyway, I am looking around the shelves, floor and such and there are no books or magazines, anywhere! It's a Porn Store not a Book Store. There's silicon asses, mouths, and vagina's all for sale. All pink, open and ready for adventure. Pink, black and white vibrators of different sizes and shapes and textures. If I had a girl friend would I want her to have a big, black vibrator next to the pillow, ready for action? How could I compete with that? Forgettabout it! Disgusting, huh?

The panties are different colors and sizes. They are of the "easy access" ones for love making. They are taste...full. The owner stumbles out and greets me. He is speaking to me. It sounds like he is inviting me to take my jacket off and stay a while, maybe have some coffee, discuss politics and personal lube choices perhaps? His dark red, blood shot eyes are in need of some major Visine, reader. And his openness and cordiality make me feel uncomfortable. I guess it's just my desire to remain anonymous when I shop for lube. I tell him thank you, I am just looking. He points to the wall that has Korean condoms and lubricants. One of them says "Adam." I have a brother named Adam, I think! His name is on a condom box; I got to tell him! I point to a magazine that laid on the shelf. A pretty girl in panties is smiling from the page. I ask him if he has anymore. He says he doesn't. In fact, he doesn't sell magazines or books. A porn store without magazines? I know this is Korea, but come on! I know I am being culturally insensitive, dear reader, but it's like pizza without cheese. It's like french fries without ketchup. It's like South without North. WTF?

I continue wandering around looking at the sundries. Pictures of Caucasian woman on boxes, their faces smiling, open to any sort of need and desire I may have. But no magazines. Ah, the frustration! As I sometimes do, reader, when I wonder around, I maybe yell out something in English; it's okay no one understands or cares really. Half the population is drunk after work and they must think that anyone who comes here to live must be crazy, so leave him be! However, tonight inside the Porn Den of "Gob-pan-jong dong" I don't yell out loud or babble to myself. This would invite Red Eye to talk to me again. Maybe he's really lonely working in a porn store, in the middle of Korea, so he drinks, his eyes swell up, he watches his DVDs over and over, or from the lack of visitors and when he sees a foreigner, he feels like a new friend, a white savior, has just arrived. One who knows how his lonely heart beckons for late night conversation at the Porn Store. And who wouldn't? There's a Christian church every half mile from the Porn Store. Imagine that pressure the owner feels? He's competing with God. And that's a losing game, kind reader. I leave the Porn Store. No magazines. No lube. Just empty hand. Zen Koan: What is the sound of one hand whacking?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Funny Business Names in Korea



















I see businesses with funny names and posted these for your enjoyment.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Mixed use commercial building Korean Style

We had another fire this past week but this time it was located down the street from the school. I will post pictures later. What I wanted to blog on about was the quaint Korean style of mixed use of commercial space and the speed at which Koreans build stuff.

If you see the picture of the office building, on the first floor is a Hyundai dealership. The second floor is a restaurant, the third floor a pool hall, the fifth floor a dental clinic, the sixth floor a "nori ban" or Karaoke club and the last floor is a bar. This is Korean style for sure. You could spend the whole day in that building! Buy a car, eat lunch, drink some beers and play pool and make it in time for your dentist appt. After the dentist, go upstairs to the bar and later meet your friends to eat and drink at the "nori ban." Back in the States, as you know, this style of mixing commercial space does not happen like that. You have doctors and dentists in a building but not a pool hall, restaurant and a dentist.

Near my school is a three building complex called Digital Empire. It was set-up to attract technology companies to rent space. Inside the two block long complex, are dozens of restaurants, convenience shops like 7/11, shoes stores, businesses and apartment housing. Koreans build things quickly. A new subway stop will open in a year, after I am gone, that will decrease traffic and bring in business.

A restaurant down the street from my apt, closed up shop and went out of business--this week. A day later, all the restaurant equipment was gone. Yesterday and today they gutted the restaurant, took away the walls and tile and will install a new floor. That's fast. The workers shovel dirt and cement into this 50 lb bags, move them via cart and dump the dirt into the back of a big truck, all day long. A lot of intensive manual labor. Incredible.

Riding around today on my bicycle I realized that I can eat, shop and live a very complete life without a car. Korea is organized that way so using a car is superfluous. I like that a lot.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Bad Teacher Updated 4/16/08

Sometimes my students will say, in cute English, that John is a "bad boy." It's funny when they tattle on each other and then they get upset about it when someone tattles on them. So this week, Mr. Palmer is a "bad teacher." My student's tattled on me! A few unhappy parents have called the school threatening to remove their kid (and thus, their money) from the school and to ensure that their children are not teased or hit by other students.

Dio's mom is one of the big contesters. During "Robot Dance" two weeks ago I had combined my class with BDawg's class. Dio got kicked by a couple of students. I didn't see it because we had 14 kids dancing and "freezing" on the very small carpet circle. Robot dance is basically a game. When the music stops playing they must "freeze." Hence, the "robot" part of the game.

There I was sitting at the desk talking with two of my students when I saw Dio on the floor crying. Just a little sniff and tear. That's all. Also, the other day, when the students came into my class, Dio decided to just lay on the carpet and do what Dio does: act lazy. So, K-Fed decided to step on his leg. I didn't see K-Fed do this. I was busy helping another student. So Dio's mom calls expressing her concern. That's okay by me. I even met the lady for a parent-teacher-assistant Director-Director meeting on Thursday this week.

I also meet Roy's mom. She's a nice lady, really. But over the phone she yelled at the assistant Director about Roy being picked on in my class by K-Fed. K-Fed is evil. He teases them. He hits them. It looks like play fighting. They have these rolled up paper swords and they "en gard." They hit each other. If it gets too rough then, Roy will cry. Roy will cry when K-Fed tears up his sword too.

K-Fed is a really sneaky boy. Psycho sneaky b/c I don't see some of the stuff he does and I don't understand the teases and insults he hurls like projectile vomit (Exorcist reference). And when I do catch the little bugger, I reprimand him.

So, I got two angry parents, one unhappy boss, an assistant Director who was reduced to tears by Roy's mom and an American Director all on and up my ass! It hasn't been a fun week. It's very crowded in my ass! It could be worse, I could be losing my house (I had to poke fun of a relative of mine). I do want to be a great teacher for my one year stay in Korea.

I now have a teacher assistant in my class. I have assigned seating. I pick up the crackling sounding "white" phone in the classroom and call if any of them start to cry, have a paper cut, an argument, etc. Baby sitting. Expensive baby sitting which includes a paid apartment and cheap lunches.

Yesterday, little cute May cried for 10 minutes in my class because Sarah and Emily (the same class as K-Fed and Dio and Roy) teased her. I had to call the asst director who came up stairs and she made them apologize. Didn't help. I hear Sarah and K-Fed are leaving the school...

If I lose K-Fed and Dio as students, it will be great. Sometimes losing a customer is healthier for the business. Having a teacher asst for 20 minutes in my class is nice too because she will help with their jackets and back packs (they're six year olds and still can't zipper their up their own jackets) and will talk to them in Korean, help me discipline them to chill and report what they say to each other. Also, she can tell the Asst Director and Director I am a good or bad teacher too! Maybe next week a student will tattle on me and say "Good Teacher!"

***Update***

Well, kind blog reader it looks like I only have three students left in that one class where the parents complained and yelled at the assistant director. During the parent-teacher-assistant director-Director meeting last week, one of the parents told me she would keep her son, Dio, in the class. Anyway, I heard his whiny voice and wheezing ass yesterday leaving the school yesterday around 12:30pm. He waved to me. His mom bowed. I learned today that she had removed him from the school. And that Roy's mom did the same.

Another class I have on Tuesday and Thursday, had five students absent on Tuesday. Tomorrow, which is Thursday, I will find out if they are sick or if they also dropped out of the school. I can't tell if my boss is mad or angry, but I asked the CFO if I was going to get canned and he said no. On the other hand, this might be a "saving face" technique. Tomorrow is another day and if I find myself on the street soon, I will take the train to Seoul, stay in a Korean style hotel, and look for another job. To be continued, ad nauseaum...

Do Korean Cats smell like Kim Chi?

Cats are pretty rare here in Korea. As an undergrad at Cal Poly, my Korean friend, who's nick name was "Speedy Gonzalez" (he liked to be called "Speedy"), hated--I mean he hated cats. They gave him the creeps. It was an unusual reaction. Some Korean people here hate cats too. It's cultural and I believe there are a lot of old stories passed down that depict cats negatively and are believed to bring bad spirits or spirits of the dead back...I will investigate!

There's a local cat with a RFID tag in it's ear. (See picture on side bar). She's a sweety. I always bring her some milk. She lives in the Hi-Mart store down the street. The owner is very friendly. He showed me that the cat lives under the vinyl awning that covers the side of the Mart. There's a series of boxes that lead up to an entrance in the vinyl. When I took that picture, she was, at first, in the shadows near the entrance. But when I talked to her, she got up and walked into the sunlight and sat down for her picture. Pretty smart.

When I am in that area, I buy a little milk in a 5 oz container, drink about 4oz and carefully open the cartoon so that she can drink from the container. I basically peel the card board back in a long strip, so that she can drink the milk.

There's another picture of a stray cat in my hood. (See side bar) Basically, all cats look like that stray one. They are abandoned and they probably pick through the yellow bags for food or eat whatever is available. As you know Korean food is spicy and has garlic, I wonder if the cats eat that?

I don't know why that cat has a RFID tag. I imagine the owner did it for protection. It is pierced through her ear. You can see the scare and skin that has bubbled and later healed around it. It looks like the Challenger Shuttle and is yellow. Maybe that is to prevent it from being picked up by the authorities?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

My students

My Korean students are smart, warm, funny and a joy. My job is difficult but there's always something good going on in class. Although I might need to send them on various timeouts vis a vis my self-invented "X-Box," they're pretty much well behaved. Of course there are few evil kids, the kind where you want them to be sick every day, but for the most part, I am pretty happy with my little munchkins.

X-Box is a small box I draw in the corner of the white board. If a student gets three "x", then he/she will have to stand facing the whiteboard or wall or not play a game that day. I make them stand for five minutes. Sometimes they cry. Sometimes they act defiant. But they really hate being singled out from the group unless it's a couple of the evil kids who someone how revel in this experience. I'm sure one of them will become a serial killer. During lunch which I help administer every day at 12:20pm, one of the evil students named "Jake," likes to talk to his chop sticks. His eyes almost cross from the intensity of the conversation between him and his plastic practice chop sticks:

"We will take over this class, and kill the teachers. We will then tear down all the paintings we did and set fire to them in the middle of the carpet. Yes, we will do this..."

In that same class, we have Hank. Hank is the kind of kid who will act passive aggressively. He will start crying and tell the teacher how Mary has violated his lunch tray or hit him while he is actually punching the kid back who supposedly hurt him! Or he will hit the kid and then tell the teacher how bad that kid has been to him. He will also yell "no" when you try to help him with his jacket. AAAhh! I let the other teacher handle Hank.

Besides the evil kids, there is one six year old student named May who say in perfect, cute English to me: "Mr. Palmer? Time for X-box?" I always reply to her, "maybe."

Another favorite I have is a student named Anna. She's always beating up Scott in a playful way. In the middle of Scott's beating right before class, she will walk up to me and tell me in really good English about her day or who is absent, etc. During class time, she will ask questions or answer all the questions on the activity sheets, etc. She is really smart.

I like Judy who insists on calling me "Hello, baby monster." She loves that and never tires of making fun of my Korean words which I say sometimes. Especially "chun chun-e" whenever they hurriedly go from class to the awaiting diesel smoking buses.

I have a student named after a Korean bicycle who draws pictures on the white board of Scott and his imaginery chicken-looking girl friend. Scott sits there fuming until the drawing is complete and runs after him yelling only to get his butt kicked by a Korean boy with a Korean bicycle name. This is all play fighting which the school discourages of course but they're kids and that's what they do. Of course I don't allow standing on chairs or anything to get out of hand. Unless it was the time that Dio (see another post about report cards) got kicked by a couple of girl students during a game called "robot dance." I didn't see it but his mom called later to complain. Dio is a cry baby for sure but I feel bad that the girl students were treating him badly. He's the kind of kid who needs help walking down stairs. Really.

Jack is one of the sweetest kids in my 7 year old class. He is the tallest and has a couple of years of tae kwon do. So, him and Drew and Mark (who must weigh 100 pounds) will have play fights on the carpet with Jack usually winning. I have them play "King of the Hill" and when the girls get involved, the game usually dissolves very quickly. He doesn't like to play with girls.

Then there's Roy who is about five. He is very advanced and has a great sense of humor. I can talk to him in different English tenses like future present. How about that!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Evil takes a holiday

Some of you know or have heard of my best friend O. He just made Associate Professor! Congratulations go out to him. He's on tenure track now towards full professor. I am very excited for his achievement and after his five plus years struggle to make tenure, the question still remains: why does evil prevail? And when it does fail or fall short, it takes a holiday?

Take Saddam Hussein. Evil dictator of Iraq. Lived a healthy and long life cut short by a hanging but nonetheless, survived a few wars, coup etats, ethnic and tribal uprisings, etc. Evil lives a long time even in different countries. When American leaves, what evil will rise up in it's place?

Then, take John Ritter, the actor from Three's Company. Funny comedian. Dies at age 50. Why? He made people laugh. Suffered some freakish stroke/heart attack. Yes, blog reader, life is not fair especially if you're a good person. Evil lives, Goodness dies. It's not Star Wars. Darth Vadar does not go over to the good force. So when my friend's tenure was blocked by one evil professor, I wonder why evil prevails for so long? Is it that people are afraid? What is it about evil that persuades and cajoles people into conformity? Can we really "blame" mass media? Are we like proverbial sheep? Why did this evil professor have so much sway in blocking O each time for tenure like Charles Manson's parole board? O hasn't changed. He just published more stuff in those five years, in fact, more than any of them! The frustration!

I congratulate O on his victory (please join in with the "V" sign). Goodness rules...for now.

Seedy Bars and Sandy Bike Paths of Suwon

Can't you say that the greatness of a country can be summarized by its highs and lows? In other words, how high it aspires and how low it plummets? In my travels in Suwon, I manage to find both. The Lows are sometimes more interesting and definitely easier to spot especially the Korean Host Cafes. The Highs are inspiring.

My travels are anthropological and sociological and finding interesting places is, well, interesting to me. The other night I found a few host bars in the Home Plus area in Yeongtong-dong. Home Plus is the Korean version of Wal-Mart/Target only the Home Pluses always have cool food courts and a friendlier staff.

My friend Inuk told me that all Koreans know where these "cafes" are. They are legitimate businesses. They serve alcohol, expensive food and are staffed by pretty hosts. In the States, you need to know someone who knows where they are. Not here. It's an open society and this gives you the feeling of safety; kinda of odd if you think about it. In the States, the seedy bars are located in bad neighborhoods. Here, they are located on quiet, non-descript streets of commercial and residential real estate. Anyway, I go in to the "Ace Cafe" or whatever it was called and I immediately get the stink eye from the host. So, I leave. I'm not wanted there and I'm not particularly interested in hanging out. I'm just interested in seeing the seedy life of what Suwon has to offer.

The other day, on my day off, when most of yas were sitting at your desks wishing you were me (yeah, right), I was riding my bicycle. I found an amazing 10-mile long stretch of bike path along side a man-made park that follows the (I'll put it's name in later) river. This path winds north and south through Suwon. Along the way are nicely manicured gardens, large rocks to sit on, about a dozen basketball half-courts with the rope still intact (find that in L.A., dawg), bridges and people walking, riding and talking along the river. It was so peaceful. I sat along the river and listened to the water rush down over the rocks spilling out. It was like I was back in my therapist office waiting for my appointment, listening to the fake waterfall machine that produces the faux water sound! It was great! Suwon city spent a lot of money carving out the bike paths and such making this a very livable city. Ah, the Highs are so good! I will go back again soon!

Friday, April 4, 2008

The Giant Cranes of Korea

Here in Suwon and probably most of Korea, there lies a crane on every corner. Not the kind for building those rectangular apartas (apartments) you see every where, but the toy kind. In the states we have these cranes at amusement parks or at Dolore's Diner in West LA (when ordering their curly fries, make sure they are cooked well), both containing stuff animals. Here in Korea however, these yellow colored monsters are money making machines!

The cranes are about .20 cents per play (200 won). They must weigh 900 pounds otherwise people would try to walk away with the machine to get to the contents. Inside the crane, there are 20 or 30 items including mp3 players, cigarette lighters, alcohol (see picture of little Whiskey Crane bottles) and my favorite, and not scene yet, live lobsters inside its own small tank! The goal is to use the mechanical fingers of the crane and lift the heavy weighted package into the basket in order to earn the prize. It’s difficult and when you’re drunk, as most crane players are, then winning is pure luck. These machines are strategically located near a bar on every block. In fact, there are at least four or five bars on every block! When playing the Happy Crane or the Polar Crane, etc the mechanical fingers always loose its grip just before you’re ready to drop the prize into the basket. Shaking the giant machine won’t work either. It’s too heavy and low to the ground and you’re too drunk anyway. You can easily drop about $5 on these Vegas style slot machines.

I haven’t found one with a live lobster yet. I’m still looking!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Report Cards

Working at a language institute, many teachers are required to write quarterly report cards on the progress of each student. They are very detailed and include the students' strengths and weaknesses in obtaining that often elusive and shaky requisite English language skill Korean parents think their children need to compete in the global economy. I've been busy at work and started early on my report cards. Here's a sample:

Student name: Ronnie James Dio (English name)

Ronnie James Dio is a very warm and affectionate kid however as sweet and nice Dio is, he is lazy and dumb as they come! Not a good combination for a future professional you wish him to be! Ronnie does love to sing though and has a lovely voice most suitable for rock. I suggest you save your 800 dollars a month that you spend at the language institute and start a a 457CA college fund for Dio because he will need a lot of schooling. If he can't muster a passing grade of a "C" at a language institute, I can't imagine what he is getting in regular school. If you're serious about his and your future, you should immediately get a home tutor and get crackin! Remember: your social security is your first born named Dio!

Student name: Emily Lickyourson (English name)

Emily has potential but not in speaking English. Her daily aggressive and violent acts towards other amicable students, Roy, Larry and Sally suggest that Emily has not developed any social skills whatsoever. She does pack a powerful left punch as Roy has felt on many occasions! I suggest you save your 800 dollars a month and start to go to family therapy. Your child is acting out because you, as her parent/s, have modeled and instilled in her, some horrible social skills which resolve themselves in her daily visit to the Director's office for behavioral modification pep talk. Or if you are so inclined, please invest in a child's gym which offers martial arts. Maybe if she gets the shit kicked of her she'll kick your parenting stupid asses!

Yes, blog reader. Reports cards are a solemn affair. They require diplomatic verbiage and not very many parents really want the truth. :) If Korean parents are serious about language skills, perhaps learning Chinese would be a better option? They are the new super power!